3 weeks no more.

i guess im not going to see cali guy anymore >.>

why?

last night was the last straw for him. He called me  late i was already asleep and he got out of work laaaate and i was half awake and asleep and i didnt say much i kept saying yeah yeah yeah…and he got really mad cuz he was talking about work n how stressed he was and he told me today hes can’t deal with someone like me…that doens’t say much that doesn’t conversate.

well i’ve had this problem already. ever since my ex of four years he really fucked me up…i cant be open with guys anymore…i used to talk for hours about anything on the phone with him or anyone…n ever since him ive been screwed up. i think every guy is going to fuck me over…and cali guy had enough of me being insecure..shy…and not saying much on the phone. well i don’t blame him. i wouldn’t like that in someone either…

i guess i learned ALOT from this…one don’t fall for someone too quick. Two don’t be shy with guys that you like. Thats my thing im shy with guys that i only LIKE… others guys i dont give a fuck i can conversate about anything n not give a fuck what they think. *sigh* well i learned alot of other things to i dont care to share….but that being the two major ones.

so next guy that comes along no more shyness for me even if i humiliate myself…fuck it.

well at least my date liked it lulz.

i still can’t believe i fucked it up…just three weeks before he was going to come…i really screw things up its all my fault….no one else is to blame but me. but i guess cali guy had a purpose in my life….to wake me up…

getting upset over nothing.

so yesterday was a upsetting day for me very. The cali guy i was talking to was being such an ASSHOLE. i told him he turned me  off and just signed of msn and didnt answer my call or texts. just because i told him that WHAT THE FUCK? are you serious??? than he finally answered my call and was like i dont want to talk to you…i was like why? n he was like i just dont…

=.=

are u fuckin kidding me? ur fucking 28 and im 22 stop acting like 15 year old grow the fuck up act ur fuckin age shit i act more grown than ur azz…omg this is the fourth guy thats older than me and acts like a fuckin kid. geez and i thought older guys were much more mature WRONG.

and this fucker was soo mean cuz he doesnt really give ah fuck. i used to like that now i dont….wtf u dont care how i feel? well fuck U too man! i ended up crying really hard n being all emo shit im sensitive and that shit hurt me baaad. i really thought he cared about me but i got tricked again.

today i wake up with strength. i realized how stupid i was for crying for a fucker like him. once someone makes me cry like that…how my other ex made me cry..i get over it..my trust for u has died….u asked me do u trust me? i told you i did…but now its gone…you killed it.

meh oh well. i got a date for friday korean guy lol i love koreans =] i hope it goes good unlike my last date >.> vietnamese guy was soo obnoxious and stupid oh n i will be dressing very cute unlike  last time lulz.

disgusted at myself.

im really disgusted at my self =/

i webcammed with this guy that  lives in korea and it went waaaay to far. i really shouldn’t have gone that far.

but for some reason i cant say no to guys. its really hard for me to say no to anyone. i think this is y i always get USED. and end up in a huge mess with myself.

im NEVER doing that again.